Zen and the Art of Speedskating

Again I find myself writing from a train, currently the train from Lugano to Milano (then onward to Collabo, where I meet Boris). It’s hard for many North Americans who live in car-centric cities to truly comprehend how navigable Europe is by train. But I am beginning to see that due to the geographic distribution of European populations, trains are very practical, cheap, and relaxing.

I had a wonderful, yet very different experience in Switzerland than I did in Norway. What are the stereotypes of Switzerland in the North American Mind? Swiss army knives? Ricola? Hedi? Cows trudging through alpine medows? There is a lot of fluff that lurks right on the edges of imagination. Here are 10 specifics that my imprecise & fluffy mind noticed:

10. The Swiss Alps.
I lived in Colorado for 8 years. The Rockies are certainly bigger, but also because of their immense size, they are somehow distant. It’s like watching Godzilla & King Kong stomping around from several miles away. The Swiss Alps are different, not as high, but you are so close, it’s like you are right among the feet and tail & toenails of immense beasts that loom over you.

Here is a slice from another picture Jessica took. Click on it for a larger view of an incredible landscape.

9. Driving like a mole
Ever been in an endless sub mountain tunnel? This is the San Bernadino Pass. It went on and on and on.

8. Coffee on your keychain
Swiss keys are much more sophisticated, arty, & advanced than American keys. The green solid one is a “smart” key that fires up an office coffee machine, you add money to it, and it remembers & displays your running total. Very cool.

7. Military infrastructure
The swiss have not been in active combat in almost 500+ years. Even the Nazi’s in WWII decided to pass on taking on Switzerland. This has gotta be the toughest little army in the world.

6. Roasted Chestnuts
These are served hot from local street vendors. Jessica was absolutely in heaven. She was saying something very happy in Italian as I snapped this picture. The Chestnuts in the USA taste terrible, because there was some blight in the 30’s that wiped out all the tasty ones. That Christmas song that begins with “chestnuts roasting on an open fire.” Now I get it. Think of a huge, soft, flavorful peanut.

5. Horse is good!
They serve foal in local restaurants, for real. Baby Horse. Don’t act all indignant, if you eat pig or squid/octopus, you are killing much more intelligent & emotional animals than a horse. Horses are cute & have a unique relationship to human beings, but also, as Jessica and I discovered, they are quite tasty too.

4. Multi-lingual Sugar
Any country that can keep its political & social coherence while speaking a bucketful of languages is worth respecting. For example; here are the contents of a simple sugar bowl at the restaurant in Davos. The quiz here is this: Identify each of the languages that the word sugar is written in. Bragging rights goes to the first commenter who can name the 5 languages with 100% assurance (jess knew 4, I knew 3).

3. Swiss Taxes
Tax assessors in Switzerland value houses on their outside appearance, not inside. So homes outwardly look very plain & simple, or sometimes even old & a bit medieval! Inside they are completely modern. This is the opposite from current ostentatious American mega-houses. I prefer the Swiss model. It keeps a modicum of outward humility in their towns.

2. Swiss Patriotism
They have places where you can plug in your electric car!!! When will America realize that true patriotism is embracing alternative energy with 110% of our American technical and business creativity!!!

1. EGOBANK,
I finally found a place to make a deposit of my surplus ego! I do have a few questions for the bankers; can I deposit now and make a withdrawal later in life when I really need to feel good about myself? What is the interest rate on properly invested ego? Does banked ego devalue/deflate over time? Is my ego over-inflated in value right now? Is there a favorable exchange rate between the European Ego and American Ego? Can I use online Ego-banking to make sure my Ego is always balanced? Should I invest my Ego in high-risk growth opportunities? Or should I aim for small & dependable ego investment returns? How much ego should I store at the bank, and how much should I carry with me? Is my ego safe in this bank, what if someone steals my ego?

Filed under: on the road