Coffee, Sky, & Prayer
I like this picture, the only thing truly in focus is the sky, and drops of high quality Puerto Rican coffee oils floating in the sky.
no matter what the cup says, this is not really a big glass of chocolate, but that is an intriguing possibility.
I’ve been quiet on the blog, deepest apologies….
I’ve been just about 20% sick, 20% overworked, 20% training-tired, 40% overwhelmed with housework, and pushed over the emotional edge by some recent entries on one of the best blogs I’ve ever read.
The Fat Cyclist has won several awards, inspired a lot of people, and his recent entry Dandelion Seeds is the only time in my life I have openly wept reading something online.
And it’s going get worse, be worse, and not get any better…
It’s one of those situations where it would be so comforting to be able to say/write to someone “I’m praying for you“, because that is the exact sentiment needed; an appeal to the cruel wheels of time & fate.
But if you don’t believe in prayer, what do you say? to them, or to yourself if you were in their shoes?
What do you do when all you have is that reflection of oil & sky in coffee-multiplied alertness?
Filed under: from home
Either people are afraid to share their thoughts, or else they are trying to come up with a way to say them…
It’s easy if you believe there is a God who listens, who sees the world in black and white and not all these blurry shades of gray that characterizes human understanding, to “appeal to the cruel wheels of time and fate.” Prayers aren’t really spoken so much are felt. We want accountability for what we experience…consciously or not, communing with God happens naturally, just like the compassion that inspired your blog entry. Take some time to bask in the reflection of oil and sky in coffee-multiplied alertness, since sometimes it is the best we can do.
Andrew, your blog and Elden’s are the only blogs I read. I’m always impressed with what you both are able to convey in this medium. Everyone that has been following Fatty’s blog has been shedding tears on their keyboards, but there is nothing you or anyone else can do to ease his pain, no matter what you do or do not believe in.
Ultimately, it’s his journey with his wife, and then, his alone. I’m impressed at your honesty at being caught at a spiritual impasse, though.
I think he gets some relief via his writing (and riding). As readers of the blog, we participate by reading and leaving a comment, whether we pray or just offer to think of Elden and his family . The fact that you would take time out of your day to remember someone you’ve never met that is in pain is noteworthy. You don’t need to feel at a loss if you don’t believe in prayer, if you feel a need to leave a comment, write what you feel, what comes from your heart.
Amy,
that is a truly deep compliment.. thanks… and yes, after repeated moments of this “impasse” I decided to write this…
Writing, as well as riding, as well as skating, can sometime bring a relief… and a momentary answer to the unanswerable…
Elden lives just down the road from me here in Utah, and we know many people in common… We have exchanged a few brief emails, but never actually met…
I just can’t imagine watching Jessica go through an excruciating, terminal illness.. It’s beyond my conception of emotional pain…..
Elden & Susan have 4 kids too… It’s awful…
Prayer is still good–even in this day. It takes a certain “comfort level” to cross-over into that realm.
Truly, a kind prayer, when spoken like a kind word to a friend, is simply all it takes to make “that” difference.
Just like when your friend knows what you’re about to ask for, but let’s you have the “joy” of verbalizing it, God knows already what you would ask for, but still delights in hearing you make the request.
Prayer is merely conversation–conversation that can be just a kind word or two, a declaration, a kind gesture, or simply changing your body-language to be considerate of the situation.
Or you can just smile!
Andrew, you express the needed sentiments in doing what you are doing. Your writing and serious philosophical thoughts mean more than you probably realize. I think a person who has something awful going on needs to know that other human beings out there care about them - and not just feel sorry, but really put thought into caring. I still do wonder - when it’s someone who believes praying is the best possible route - if whatever I do feels as helpful…but people need more than one kind of support and will never be sorry someone offered a long talk, help with daily life, or anything else.
[…] Posted on May 7, 2008 by peterdoucet Andrew Love’s Coffee, Sky, & Prayer brought Fat Cyclist back to my […]
Hey Andrew- the few words you often select to publish really help make sense of things. Thanks for sharing your thoughts so well.
I know how to react to sad things when I am alone. However, sharing intensely personal things like prayers publically; I’m not sure how to do.
I like to think that my thoughts and energies (prayers) will reach the intended target, but I don’t keep my hopes up.
The way I look at it, prayer is a sort of meditation. It is a time to think and sort things out.
It’s also sometimes a way of letting someone know “Hey, I am with you. I may not understand or feel what you’re going through, but I am there for you. Even though you’re alone, you’re are not”.
I’ve started this email several times. Got several paragraphs down and then just scratched it all. How to sound as elegant as you write, and as prophetic as those who comment. You are all hard acts to follow!
In essence….I lost my father 2 weeks ago to prostate cancer and was the primary caretaker. I must admit I skimmed Elden’s blogs, had to because I had just lived thru alot of it myself; but just to get the idea of what you had been reading and your reactions.
I so identify with the mode they are in; taking every day,
every battle, head on, doing what is needed and making the hard decisions; one minute the news is good and just as quickly it can change; too many procedures, too many new nurses to meet, too much of having to be a patient advocate; too much interrupted sleep, caffeine, eating the wrong things; too much worry about missing so much work an when I am there, my mind is fried and I can’t concentrate. All you can do is react; its like being a deer in the headlights but trying to keep some sort of
rationalality to every turn of events, every new decision you are confronted with.
There will come a time for them when there are no more decisions to be made, except to let go. And from my experience, when we let go, the ride was
alot easier; a gracious calm and acceptance fell over my dad, me and everyone else in the family who had a final goodbye with him. We exchanged “I love you’s”, listened to his “I’m comfortable and at peace”, “my breathing is good”. In the end he reassured us that iwe would be okay.
It will get better for them. Sometimes the “‘better’ is a different ‘better’ than we wanted (cue the Stones…the ol’ “you can’t always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need”).
Amy said it all in her response. It is their journey and there is nothing you can do to change that. But there ARE things that you are already doing. You question about prayer, when what I seeing you do is bearing witness to their pain, being touched and overwhelmed by it. What is prayer if it is not that bearing witness to another human? What is prayer if its not holding them in your heart, thinking of them as you focus on the sky in the coffee cup,with its high quality Puerto RIcan coffee oils floating atop. Prayer comes in unimagined ways.
It’s okay to feel their pain and face your own fears of possibly going thru this with Jessica some day. And then let it go and it will get better for you, too.
I have had a lump in my throat for much of the past week as well.
I’m not one to pray, myself. Being non-religous, I usually avoid using the word - to me, it implies a supreme being, which is not the way I lean.
But, I found myself using the word “prayer” in my comment to Fatty. What better word is there to describe my deep thoughts, wishes, and enerygy? I could use a new vocabulary word, or else I’m going to invoke an alternate definition for prayer. Perhaps “karma” or “meditation” or “psychic beams of love.”
With heavy hearts, it’s difficult to just read those posts. As others have mentioned, his writing and our comments are part of how he copes. He’s also doing quite a service to share with the world what cancer can do to a person, a marriage, and a family - awareness is imporant. But, I know that I wish I could do more.
RIP, Susan Nelson
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