Kids & Skates
(Rz has not been sleeping well at night, so forgive the lack of posts.. I am…. tired …..a lot)
My wife and I, early in our relationship, used to joke about the “projector”. We discovered that when you really LOVE someone, it’s very hard to stop yourself from “projecting” what you want or enjoy onto them, no matter what they themselves want or need.
Part of what I needed learned between 20’s to my 30’s, was how to recognize when my “projector” was running, and to turn it off.
It’s hard to do. Still hard.
Add your own flesh & blood child into the mix, and the projector becomes so difficult to recognize. People ask me frequently if RZ will be a speedskater. Honestly, I don’t care. It’s up to her.
I do care that she has a physical life, and if she has a competitive personality like her parents, it’s great to find a focus. It’s important for competitive types to learn the lessons of losing, of failure, and occasional winning through hard work, that sports can teach.
But what sport? That is more about her than me.
What lessons? Things like what Ashley’s shirt talks about (Ashley has the best race shirts, this is from the John Rose classic in Minnesota)
Right now my inlines are just fascinating toys for RZ because they have spinny things (ice blades are off limits, for obvious reasons).
However it’s still hard for a driven person to not dream of passing on their hard earned knowledge & experience onward to their kids.
How many things do my own Mother & Father know, and deeply care about, that I have never truly asked about
However, it’s not just me, not just my projector. As my very active daughter grows, and begins to show her own physical gifts & determination (and she is VERY detail & determination oriented) the world will react to her partially because of the life her parents have lived.
I can’t tell you the number of times people have looked at her, grabbed her pudgy thighs, and said “Look! Speedskater legs!”
Even though legs of all sizes and shapes have the capacity to go scary fast, and true Tyrannosaurus Rex legs are rare, this makes me smile, and at the same time, hyper-aware of my own projector.
A tiny comment by my father one day, spiraled me off into 20 happy years of joyously painful bicycle racing. But even though he was an accomplished rider, he is not temperamentally a racer.
But he knew I was that kind of hyper-competitive person. He made the comment out of love & recognition of ME, not from his own projector.
That is why my dad rocks, and gave me the kind of thoughtful guidance and love I will try to provide for my little RZ.
Filed under: from the coffee shop
Hey..I have that shirt!
Yes, I’m aware of the projector, too. Of course, I don’t have kids, but having a wife also requires that I be aware of when the projector is plugged in and turned on or not.
Recently, when I have moments to go up to Vancouver and train at the Richmond Oval, I CHOOSE to stay home and spend time with my wife. Our activities consist of sleeping-in, sitting and talking face-to-face (which we rarely do), or going for a walk or hike. It’s become a way of life (sure it’s only been for the past few weeks), but I CAN change, can’t I? She appreciates the attention, and it helps establish balance in my life and in our relationship.
It can easily come across to Mel that my whole life is focused around speedskating. What I try to portray is that she is more important than the speedskating and my enjoyment is simply an expression of the solidity of our relationship.
Many, many, many times I have expressed an ideal to my fellow speedskaters that the concept of getting adequate rest is way under-rated. I would say if it wasn’t for making it a point to sleep in late this morning with my wife, I would not be well rested, enjoying the day as I am, and I would not be focused on a subject like this. Okay, I’m starting to ramble on…
Anyway, great post, Andrew and thank you for sharing a more sensitive side of reality!
Great attitude, especially important for champions to have and recognize. Thanks much for sharing and promoting it! (& super shirt!)
My projector seems to be permantly on, off switch is obviously broken long ago. I have gotten better about it lately though.
When Justin was born the world thought for sure he would be a swimmer, as that was my life then. Surprising everyone, I think even myself, I made the same remark, that would be up to him. He is not, and I have moved on, and that would probably be the case even if he had chosen that sport.
Its important that they reach and reach far, be active and strive for excelence in whatever they do. Its also important that they have their own projectors, with PARENT awareness buttons, meaning that they let you know when its appropriate to push and when you should learn to back off. As long as you understand that its their life and dreams not yours, you have given them the best gift, courage.
Is that a halo above your daughter’s head?
Craig..
Hahaha! I did not see that… Although RZ is our little angel, that is really just the base of a ceiling lamp.