Rest in Peace, Susan Nelson
Yesterday in Utah the wind howled at 50+ mph & wildfires raged north of Salt Lake. The sun was a massive globe of red sinking through blown dust and smoke. A giant red fireball swallowed completely an hour before normal.
Sitting & watching it with little RZ, I could not help but think it was Susan’s Nelson’s soul, taking a final powerful lap around the Wasatch range & the world was shuddering with her power, and the grief of those left behind swirling in the blinding smoke & wind.
Susan is the wife of the blogger Elden Neslon, the Fat Cyclist. She has been struggling with cancer, and just passed away a few days ago. So far 2,200+ have paid their respects in the comments, a communal outpouring of grief.
There is nothing good to come from cancer, except in appreciating the good days we have, in sickness & health. For Elden there is no novelist/bloggers roadmap on how to “write” this kind of experience as it happens, no social guidelines for writing profound pain & grief & with justice & respect in the real-time nature of blogging.
I’ve mentioned very little about my own wife’s illness here, and I never even talked about her final diagnosis or a rare auto-immune disorder that she will have for the rest of her life (Churg strauss for those who are interested).
It was too overwhelming, too close to my heart to find expression through the keyboard. When it was bad I just curled up in an emotional fetal position and tried to get through each day.
Jessica has just finished a nasty regimen of drugs, and has an excellent prognosis. Churg Strauss was 100% fatal 30-40 years ago. I still fail at finding the right words to come to grips with this.
My blogger’s hat is off to a true master of this real-time art form, and Elden’s skill creating meaning & inspiration out of pain I can barely imagine.
Pain as vast & powerful & moving as the crazy atmospherics in Utah yesterday, I had no camera with me yesterday, so I will repost a picture I took when I have written about Susan’ illness in the past.
A coffee cup with dots of oils in it, like tears, and the unanswering sky reflected.
Filed under: from home
Nice piece of writing, Andrew. Obviously, I didn’t know Susan, but this made me pause in the midst of my Sunday morning routine and reflect a bit. Sorry to hear about Jessica’s illness, but glad to know of her positive prognosis.
Overcast and threatening rain this morning in Ithaca. Trying to decide whether to risk a bike ride in Shindagin.
Take care,
David
sunday mourning
Good news is that there isn’t a strong genetic link with CSS, so of all the things to worry about with having a wee little one, CSS isn’t one of them. Small mercies.