Zen and the Art of Speedskating

Recently, I made a post called “Speedskating on Enceladus” that was my entry to a contest hosted over at the wonderful blog Last Girl on Earth

Go figure, my eccentric vision of interplanetary sports fun WON!!! (this has been a pretty good year for me, when it comes to winning).

The contest was called “Giving good Lei” and was originally started at the Hawaii based blog Bitchitude.

The rules of the contest stipulate that I need to host the next contest (there is one every month) and the blogger who wins the one held here, then gets to host the next one…

However the readership of this blog is pretty unique in that there are not too many bloggers within it (in the regular commenters, I count under a half-dozen). It seems to be mostly members of the worldwide skate tribe, some friends & family, and a collection of good folks who somehow enjoy the writing/pictures that I post. In many ways its not surprising that the skate crowd has limited “crossover” with the obsessive tech crowd.

To enter the contest, you need to have a blog… because if you win you get to host the next contest. So I am going to contact the second place finisher, The dog’s breakfast, and see if she is interested in hosting it over there… She has a more typical blog-possesing audience, and would get more entries.

Although I am sure this creative bunch could come up with LOTS of unique entries, when we get the next contest organized/started, I will direct you over there.

It’s a beautiful day here in Salt Lake City. It might get up to 70+ degrees, although I should be relaxing and not training, I can hear the bike calling me. So I am resisting the two-wheeled attraction and taking the dog for a long walk.

Here is the view down one of the steep streets that make up the avenues where I live. Although the view doesn’t really strike my Manhattan-born wife too much, and the dog is more interested in what her nose is telling her, every time I walk Lilly I look over this and simply marvel….

Today one can see all the way down the valley to its end around 30 miles distant. The beginnings of the Wasatch range are on the left.

Here are some unique factoids lying within this photo:

When Salt Lake was first designed, the mormon city planners mandated that the main streets be large enough so that a 4 horse team & carriage could make a U-turn. You can see one of these massive 4 lane thoroughfares, 700 east, pointing right down the valley.

If you had magic vision that could see 1,000 times more detail in each pixel, and could see through those mountains on the left, you would see skiers in T-shirts whooping it up in the spring conditions at the resorts.

Also if your magic vision could detect the level of Mormonism in the roughly 1.2 million people you are looking over right now, with Mormons showing up as red, and infidels like myself as blue; what you would see is screaming blue all around you, and extending for about two miles from where your are standing. There would be a thin line of spotty blue along the base of the mountains (the skiers & outdoorsy types living at the mouths of the canyons) then pretty much 80% red for the rest of this field of vision, with the west valley areas to the right just off the picture to the right, glowing radioactively red!!

If your glasses also detected language & ethnicity, the 19% of the city’s population that identifies themselves as Hispanic, would be in a band separating the red & blue areas, and off to the right on the other side of the interstate. There also would be pockets of Native Americans, Tongans, and lots of Samoans visible (those 3 groups add up to 3% of Salt Lake’s population.)

If your magic glasses could also detect relative levels of obesity, according to recent studies, it would pretty much also exactly follow the blue-red divide. The avenues zip code where this picture is taken from, is the skinniest in Utah, whereas the more religious a zip code gets, on average, the chubbier.

Personally, I am currently winning my battle vs off season weight gain! It must be the zip code I live in ; )

More statistics & history can be found on Wikipedia’s Salt Lake City pages.

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Filed under: from home

Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th)
It’s the introspection season, Capricorn. I encourage you to write copiously in a journal. Here are several themes it would be fruitful to explore:

1. Your most amazing qualities and your worst qualities.
2. The hundred things you want to accomplish in the next 30 years.
3. Your bitter complaints, horrendous pain, and lost dreams.
4. Everything you love and everything that’s beautiful and everything that works.

In addition to writing your heart out and your ass off, paste in cut out pictures from magazines, draw pictures, and ask friends to write messages to you.

-Rob Brezsney, Free Will Astrology

Astrology seems as silly to me as numerology: Yet if a horoscope can help someone live a thoughtful life, then how bad can it be? But horoscopes often seem as targeted “to you” as a wal-mart ad. Every horoscope fits everyone! However this particular eccentric horoscope felt like it was written aimed right at me.

So in the spirit of question #1, I have a confession to make.

I am a MasoHedonist.

I very recently learned this term, and love it. This amalagam of Hedonist and Sadomasochist describes individuals who find great pleasure and even personal meaning while focusing on activities that many would find difficult & painful, and often NUTS. As Lance says: “Pleasure? naw… I do this for the PAIN!”

Today is a perfect example of this syndrome in action: I am supposed to be resting, not working out. The independent web design business has been THRIVING recently, and I could easily be spending 12 hours a day plinking away on my laptop.

I had gotten a brief & boring morning workout in, and took the dog for a walk. But there was something gnawing at me, something undone about the day. I was restless & in a mood as I shuffled HTML around. I had not challenged myself athletically for weeks. It was roughly 4:15pm, it was chilly outside, spits of rain coming down. Then this idea avalanches into my head,

“HEY, WHY DON’T I RIDE MY BIKE THE 25 MILES DOWN THE LENGTH OF THE URBAN SALT LAKE VALLEY, DURING RUSH HOUR, IN THE RAIN, TO WHERE JESS WORKS, AND THEN HAVE HER GIVE ME A RIDE HOME, IF I RIDE REALLY HARD, I CAN JUST MAKE IT THERE BEFORE SHE LEAVES WORK!”

I fought this idea for about 5 minutes. I really did, but it was useless to resist such an appealing invitation to MasoHedonism. Many athletes know the irresistible appeal of crazy ideas like this.

Now 25 miles is not too far for an experienced cyclist. But add in a steady cold pouring rain, dense rush hour traffic, the need to keep the speed very high, and psycho Utah drivers, that adds to the difficulty factor.

Oh yeah, I also rode my track bike too, so I only had one gear to mash or spin the whole way (I do have a front brake on my fixie, I am nuts, but not crazy).

The interesting part is, I was completely content with every moment of the ride, even when the rain got quite heavy & the temperature dropped 20 degrees. I was at peace skipping like a stone through lanes of growling traffic, being hyper vigilant for rain-filled potholes, gravel, & ice slick manhole covers.

My hands turned from 5 digit precision instruments into frozen handlebar claws, my arms & calves began to cramp in the cold, I could feel the difference between my cold skin and molten core, it was wonderful.

The complete roadmap of my muscle fibers was illuminated like a Christmas tree, pain made me happier and aware of every joint & piston of this body I live in. It made me more determined to ride as hard as I could, to make each moment of speed perfect. And it was.

My glasses were fogged & rain spattered, but I saw & felt my life as clearly as the SUV’s I danced through traffic with.

If I could bottle and sell these feelings, I would be a rich man, not merely wealthy in sensation & experience. Determination mixed with extreme sensation is fulfilling and addicting. When I rolled into the parking lot of Jessica’s work, I was practically singing with joy, singing through a face covered in road grit.

I think this is my most amazing quality and my worst quality.

Worst quality? On sober reflection this ride was dangerous, and I am not sure if I can ever stop challenging myself like this (the activity is just the medium for this impulse, it’s incidental that I bike and skate). Sacrificing other aspects of life for MasoHedonism is also questionable in some social circles, and it is something I have consistently done my whole life. It makes sense when you can point at something, like Olympic trials, but I do this for fundamentally other reasons.

Maybe I should have kept at my laptop all day, kept working till my eyeballs popped out of my head, but I dove outdoors, towards that which completes me in a fundamental way.

Am I crazy? or is the world full of closet MasoHedonists? does this little online journal have a high percentage of MasoHedonist readers? I suspect it might….. Any other moments out there worth sharing?

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Filed under: sweat

Another blog I read frequently, Last Girl on Earth, has a contest running now, here are the rules:

If you could go anywhere in the world, or beyond…
Where would you go, and why would you go there?

Here is my entry, its weird enough that I think speedskaters all over the world would be interested in joining me for this trip that would make my excursion earlier this year to Europe seem positively TAME by comparison.

I would travel to a small moon near the planet Saturn called Enceladus. Scientists have described it as a huge ball of smooth ice drifting through space. It is smooth because it has very active geysers that are constantly erupting and covering the surface with water. Think of it of it as a place with it’s own massive geothermal Zamboni.

These geysers blast from blue veins crisscrossing the Enceladus surface, and are nicknamed “cold faithfuls” by Scientists. They are so powerful that the icy particles they throw into space create one of Saturn’s Major rings, the “E” ring, actually.

Because of this, Enceladus rides within, and is the source of, one of Saturn’s rings. These geysers are strong enough to slowly erase impact craters from the surface, and create some stunningly beautiful landscape and frozen structures, the whole planet is covered in ice, as it has the highest light reflectivity in the solar system.

This photo is from the Cassini spacecraft. Cassini got so close, (within 109 miles) it had to rotate itself away from the planet at times, to shield its eyes from the icy debris in nearby space. Click on the photo to see a very pretty & larger version.

If one is thinking of a place to visit for scenery, I think it would be pretty hard to beat the view of Saturn & the rings from a thin atmosphere moon WITHIN one of the rings. The stars would be bright, the colors stunning, The frequent eruptions would be fun to watch (from a distance! water-ice volcanoes are technically known as Cryo-Volcanism). The sky would be filled with multicolored Saturn and other rings arcing past, and the sun bright enough to see things pretty well.

What would I do on Enceladus? Now this is where who I am plays nicely into this unique destination.

I would go for a nice long speedskate across the icy surface. On earth I am capable of briefly sustaining 34+ mph on my skates. According to Dutch speedskating scientists, those terrestrial velocities correspond to me fighting 84% air resistance and 16% frictional forces.

With the minimal atmosphere on Enceladus, and only 1/125 of earth’s gravity, I ought to be able to sprint along at 500+ mph, and easily tour along at 100+. My 28 inch vertical leap on earth would become a become a 280+ foot skyward arc, allowing me to see a great view anytime I wanted, or to leap the fissures, ripples, & craters on the surface with ease.

This would be a tour with a view, and with some extreme sports fun! Scientists say there are five distinct types of terrain on this moon: Fissures, plains, corrugated terrain and several other icy deformations. Some of the most enjoyable athletic moments in my life have been mountain biking the mammoth fossilized sand dunes in Moab, Utah. I think this could be similar, but within the sport that I was born to do.

This moon is only 310 miles around, so I think I could see a significant amount of it fairly quickly, and the Cassini spacecraft pictures of the surface show a playground that could provide years of fun. Ramps, bowls, berms, & gliding among ice walls like the podracer scenes of the first star wars movie.

Here is a black-and-white surface detail of one of the rougher areas, each pixel you see is roughly 37 feet of real life terrain (what magic we can do, that I HAVE this image to show)

Also because of the abundant presence of liquid water, there are likely subsurface oceans, and scientist have seen the chemical building blocks of life present in abundance here, so this particular moon is a terrific candidate for the possibility of extra-terrestrial life. Maybe even the best in our solar system (many point to Jupiter’s moon Europa as another good choice).

Who knows, I might not be the only one skating along the surface, I could blend right in with local life forms, evolved to take advantage of this peculiar environment. The Enceladians could have a speedskating culture that could even rival the Netherlands!

One never knows.

Of course there are small technical problems, such as how to survive the extreme cold of –180 to –203 Celsius, and the lack of good breathable oxygen, and my skates might not glide as well on this extremely cold surface.

But I compete in a prototype of the racing skinsuit Nike spent over a million dollars to develop for the 2002 winter Olympic games. It’s a dreadfully uncomfortable thing to wear, but magically fast compared to normal lycra. Toss a few billion dollars more at the basic design, and I am sure it would be interplanetary worthy. Do a little more research into various steels & other exotic periodic table elements, and I am sure they would find the best bi-metal blade composite and blade dimentions for gliding across Enceladian ice.

As for oxygen, I am a sprinter, and I don’t breathe too well to begin with! Oxygen? schmOxygen!

In Greek mythology, Enceladus was a Titan who was defeated in battle by the God Athena, and buried under Mount Etna, when he tries to break free, his struggles are the source of earthquakes volcanic eruptions.

I think Enceladus might become someday, the top speedskating tourist destination of all time, and for the purpose of this contest, it is my daydream place to go.

Here are some weblinks to this amazing place:

The Cassini spaceprobe raw image diary of its flyby of Enceladus, WOW!

An article about the possibilities of life there

The BBC guide to Enceladus

USA today article about the icy geysers

Boulder strewn surface, fantastic photos

Below is an artists conceptions about what the surface might be like:

11 Comments »
Filed under: from the coffee shop

I’m sure you have seen the cat-like Apolo Anton Ohno in action. He’s not only the best-named man in Turin; he’s also the deity of short-track skating…… To watch him skate is a joy. He slinks past opponents like a ghost. It’s raw power elegantly applied.

Letters from a shrinking globe

This is not the first time I have heard speedskaters compared to animals. I have heard them likened to birds, pumas, greyhounds, bulldogs, cheetah, stampeding buffalo, racehorses, etc etc. My brother’s Texan girlfriend, the first time she saw long trackers blasting along at 35mph with their racing hoods up, said this:

They remind me of seals, very athletic seals.

Short track nationals are this coming weekend. And although I will not be there (I truly suck at short track) I know many people who will be. The skill and agility of short track is truly one of the most amazing athletic things I have ever seen in person. Even non-speedskaters can watch the physics-defying skill, dramatic passing, & thrill-a-minute pacing. Its just as cool seeing kids do it as it is with the Olympians.

Catlike… that is short track. My cat Tortibella seems athletic enough to do short-track, no fear of crashing or of wiggling through small spaces, and she is certainly used to walking around with sharp things on her feet.

Are these pics evidence that I am going crazy without constant training? Not as bad as in the past. Actually Jess took these pictures, also I am posting these crazy images in part as a thank you to all those pet-folks who commented & emailed me about my lost dog post. There was some nerve that story hit, and the cat people out there deserve equal time.

However, I have a question, thinking about short track. WHY ISN’T THERE SHORT TRACK ON TV FREQUENTLY???

Short track is a tremendously television friendly sport, and why US Speedskating did not receiving any significant television coverage or revenues from this past Olympic trials is a great mystery of marketing incompetence. They should have had Olympic trials (read: the Apollo/Shani show) in freaking Madison square garden!! Or at least in some major NHL caliber arena. You could have had thousands of screaming fans & generate mothra-caliber buzz. I understand there is a pad-safety issue that requires an Olympic sized ice sheet. But there has to be a technical answer to that, the incredibly safe Calgary oval short track is not huge, has amazing pads, and they run top races on that thing.

WHY WAS THERE WAS NOT EXTENSIVE TV COVERAGE OF US OLYMPIC TRIALS!

The only reason I can think that this did not happen, is there was no do-or-die motivation or interest at the management echelons. People do what benefits them most, that is human nature. If the athletes got a ton of television, would they then start demanding more money? Speedskating is controllable at the size it is now, but if money/coverage/TV professionals suddenly show up, it becomes HUGE, and uncontrollable.

Heck, look at all the political pain & wrath unleashed when a tiny number of Long trackers started cashing in on their Euro-notoriety. What would happen if 10 times that came to short track?

Joey Cheek said in an interview, that the inline talent pool is drying up (all too true, the sport is 1/3 the size it was) and the next wave of talent will come from the Ohno-inspired short track scene. So IT IS do-or-die, in terms of continuing to grow the sport. Get it on TV, call someone the flying whatever, and skating will thrive.

I bet $5 there will not be TV coverage of this coming weekends NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS. 99% of local high school football teams get more TV & Newspaper coverage than short track Natz will. There is something WRONG with that. Short track has EVERYTHING that appeals to American sports fans! Crashes, speed, grace, excitement, personalities, controversial refereeing, heroes from numerous backgrounds! Its ALL there.

Ok, I am putting away my soapbox. It’s always easy to piss & moan than it is to find answers. I am no sports marketing professional, but I can RECOGNIZE WHEN THERE ARE NONE VISIBLE!

Here is an image I took from the stands at the 2002 games, this is the split second before the start of the gold medal 500m race. I have never heard a sound in my life like a few moments after this image, when American Rusty Smith took the lead in this race (well, yes, one other time, as a rocketfuel dragster went 0 to 300+mph in a few seconds). Click on an image for your own Desktop sized version.

Notice that each of these top skaters here has their own unique start line position.

This proves a theory I have, that your start line stance is like your underwear, a very personal thing, and although some people have similar tastes & ideal anatomic or stylistic inclinations, there is no ultimate right or wrong fit that can be applied to everyone. Just go fast like a cat, or seal, or whatever -and be ready to turn left when that corner arrives.

16 Comments »
Filed under: from the coffee shop

I have gotten to know quite a few of the world class speedskaters who train at the Utah Olympic oval, but probably none as well as I have gotten to know Kip Carpenter. This is because we share intense interests outside of skating, Kip is a very talented digital graphic artist & flash developer, and his interests dovetail with my professional web design experience.

Kip is an interesting fellow, and if some of my questions have more of a psychological tint to them than some of my other Zen 10 interviews, it is because of our friendship. I greatly enjoy his company, and I feel like I will still know Kip for years after we have both recovered from our membership in the skating cult (that is, if we ever recover!).

First of all, Kip, thanks for appearing on my blog! I emailed these questions to Kip, and he has called in his answers from Holland, a few days after the Olympics finished, where he was racing in the World Cup Final.

Technical note, several folks said this interview made it hard to load the blog (the audio files were quite large) So I built a separate web page just for this interview

if you want to listen to Kip’s voice, check it out at the above link.

8 Comments »
Filed under: Audio/Video, Zen 10 Questions: